How to Meditate When Your Mind Is Being a Jerk
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
Feel the stillness…
“CRAP. I left the laundry in the washer. AGAIN.”
“Oh wait, I’m supposed to be meditating. No thoughts, just breath. Right. Back to breathing.”
Deep breath in…
“Did I say Julia could come over today or Tuesday? Oh man. I messed it up again.”
Cue the inner tantrum: “Why can’t I just sit still and DO NOTHING?! Mind, stop being a JERK. Ugh. I quit. I’ve got a million things to do anyway.”
Sound familiar? Yeah. Same.
If you’ve ever tried to meditate and ended up arguing with your own brain, you’re not alone. Meditation can feel like an uphill battle when your mind won't stop tossing you random thoughts like a tennis ball machine gone rogue.
When I first started meditating, I thought the goal was to not have thoughts at all—which made every single mental pop-up feel like a failure. I’d beat myself up for not being “zen enough,” and suddenly I wasn’t meditating... I was stress-scolding myself in stillness. Cute, right?
But here's what changed everything: realizing your mind will keep chattering. It’s not about stopping the thoughts—it's about learning not to chase after them like a toddler with a butterfly net.
Let’s talk about how to make meditation actually doable, even when your brain's being loud.
Why Bother Meditating Anyway?
Let me toss it to one of my favorite doctors, Dr. Mark Hyman:
“Most of us know to exercise our bodies, but we don’t realize that exercising the brain is just as important—and meditation is the doorway for that. Studies show it can boost stem cell production, change your hormones, reduce inflammation—even downregulate hundreds of inflammatory genes with just one day of practice.”
Boom. Mic drop.
So you’re on board. But still thinking, “Yeah, I get it. Meditation is great, but how do I actually DO it?” Let’s get into it.
Tips to Help You Meditate (Without Losing It)
1. Use an App
When I started, I used the Calm app, and it was perfect for beginners. Now? I mix it up with YouTube meditations—some days I want a deep Third Eye dive, other days I just need nature sounds and a voice telling me to chill. Find a vibe that works for you.
2. Meditate Lying Down
Yes, you can lay down. Sitting upright isn't a requirement—especially if your back is screaming or you can't figure out what your hands are supposed to do. If you fall asleep? That’s your body telling you it needed the rest more than the practice.
3. Try a Walking Meditation
Always on the move? This one’s for you. Walking meditations keep you present by guiding your attention to your feet, the ground, your surroundings. It’s basically mindfulness in motion.
4. Zone Out on Purpose
Ever get lost in a song or totally present watching a stream flow by? That counts. Meditation doesn’t have to look like a monk on a mountaintop. Playing an instrument, sitting with the birds, watching the clouds—they all bring you into the now. That’s the whole point.
5. Cover Your Eyes
Try meditating with an eye mask or something soft over your face. Complete darkness helps your body switch into a parasympathetic state (aka rest + chill mode).
6. Practice, Practice, Practice
One word: Dicipline. You wouldn’t expect to master piano in a week, right? Same goes here. Even one minute of focused breath counts. Start small. Keep going. You will get better at sitting with yourself.
But What If You’re Still Struggling?
Alright, now let’s flip the script. You’re doing the mindset work. You’re trying the apps, the lying down, the nature sounds... and still, something feels off.
Here’s the part most people miss: sometimes it’s not mental at all.
Sometimes, your body is the one holding you back.
Let me explain.
Your Nervous System: The Meditation Gatekeeper
You’ve got something called the autonomic nervous system—it runs all the behind-the-scenes stuff like digestion, hormone flow, breathing, heart rate, immune function, and more. It has two main branches:
Sympathetic = fight or flight (GO MODE)
Parasympathetic = rest and digest (CHILL MODE)
Ideally, you want your body to know how to toggle between the two. Stress hits? You go into action. Stress passes? You come back to calm.
But here’s the thing: modern life has hijacked that natural switch.
Your body is constantly pinged by stress—sometimes invisible stuff like:
Chronic illness or inflammation
Medications
Gut microbiome disruption
Unresolved emotions
Trauma
Traumatic Brain Injuries (even as simple as a whack to the face or even face restructuring)
Environmental toxins
Heavy metals
Alcohol, recreational drugs, even overuse of caffeine
All these things can keep your body stuck in fight-or-flight mode. So no matter how many times you sit down to meditate, your physical system is like, “Yeah, no thanks. We’re still scanning for saber-toothed tigers.”
So... How Do You Get Back to Calm?
You start by giving your body the basics it actually needs.
Yes, I know. That sounds painfully simple.
But hear me out.
Your body runs on water, minerals, and real food. Most people think they’re hydrating just by drinking water—but without electrolytes (think sodium, potassium, magnesium, etc.), water doesn’t get absorbed the way it should.
Same goes for your food. If your minerals are depleted—and let’s be honest, thanks to modern soil and stress, most of ours are—then your whole system struggles to function. That includes your nervous system’s ability to relax.
You don’t need to guess. You can test your mineral levels and rebuild from there. I always recommend working with a practitioner who understands the nuances of mineral balancing, supplementation, and energetic support.
Final Thoughts
So yes, we started with meditation and ended with minerals. But that’s how healing works—nothing is in a silo. Your mind, body, and soul all need to be on the same team.
If you’ve been doing all the “right things” to quiet your mind but still feel stuck, your body might be the one asking for support.
Meet yourself where you are. Stay curious. And remember—your brain isn’t being a jerk. It’s just trying to protect you with the tools it has.
Now take a breath.
Even that counts.
Would you like a shorter version for social, or a lead-in email to go with it? I can also break this into a carousel or infographic format if you're planning to post it on Instagram.
